and on the 7th day she rested

Today was the sixth day of my cleanse. Due to stomach cramps, a dwindling supply of lemon juice and maple syrup, and the fact that we are going to be traveling tomorrow I will be phasing off the cleanse starting tonight. I am currently drinking a wonderful glass of orange juice. I can't wait to start the South Beach diet... because with that plan I actually get to eat. Of course, my stomach has shrunk considerably so any diet would work right now. It probably won't be comfortable to eat normal quantities of food for a few days.

Whew! Now my blog can return to randomness and happiness.

Day Five...

...Still alive.

I stayed on the cleanse and I'm feeling fine. Every day I tell myself "Maybe I'll quit tomorrow." Of course "quitting" for me means a few days of very limited eating, but I'm almost to a good stopping weight. So, I'm crossing my fingers for tomorrow. Then I can look forward to the strict phase of the South Beach diet.

It is odd to think of all the things I would normally have eaten in these past days. If I pictured all of the uneaten breakfasts, lunches, and dinners I would have quite a huge buffet before me. It is so strange that none of that has entered my body. I haven't chewed anything in five days.

Maybe I'll quit tomorrow.

Testing...

I totally failed life this week.

I felt like I either didn't do anything, or I did something and I did it wrong.

I sure hope I have another few years to redeem myself.

Day 3-4

Ok, I'm getting unhealthy now.

Instead of drinking the juice that has become so boring to me, I'd just as soon not eat or drink anything. And I'm still fine and not hungry. So I guess this makes me anorexic. Well maybe it's not that drastic, because I cheated and ate a small bowl of veggie soup today. It was like one of my crazy nightmares coming true. I felt justified because I didn't have much energy, and I was kinda crabby. In fact, I still am. And I'm not getting anything done that is on my "to do" list. (I guess I should insert the phrase "What's new?" here.)

In conclusion, it is still easy for me to be without food, but I don't think I will make it 10 days. I don't think I should. But I do want to "cleanse" until I have lost 9 pounds or so. So far I've lost about 7.

One more thing. I never really believed in this program as far as its strict rules and cleansing powers. I pretty much just wanted to use it to change my habits and to jump start my weight loss efforts. So be kind in your judgement of me and my choices, please. I know how this all sounds.

Day two... woohoo

Today was surprisingly easy, cleanse-wise. I even had the impulse to make some delicious soup, but no desire to eat it. (How weird is that?) Just smelling the aroma of the roasted vegetables was enough. I feel like I soaked it up through my skin. In reality, I consumed only three 16-ounce portions of maple flavored lemon juice. Who knew I could function so well on 600 calories a day?

Oh, also, I'm down five pounds. Five pounds in two days. Now I know that this is just "water weight" or whatever, but it is enough to keep me happy. I'm a need-to-see-results-quickly kind of girl, so seeing the pounds drop off is helping me to endure this ludicrous program with a smile on my face. Do I have eight more days of smiling in me? Maybe.

Day One

Today was the first day of my cleanse, and so far it isn't as harsh as I thought it would be. I mean, I had nightmares two nights in a row about crazy things, such as accidentally eating a salad. Who has nightmares about accidentally eating nutritious food?

All I had today was 46 ounces of water flavored with 12 tablespoons of lemon juice and about 10 tablespoons of maple syrup. I've also licked some cayenne pepper and chased it down with water, because I don't want to put that stuff in my drink like I'm supposed to. Dan is super awesome because, among other things, he made all of my crazy lemonade for me.

So, I made it through one day. I'm not going to lie and say I was never hungry, because I'm hungry right now. Drinking more juice always solved my hunger problems though, and I could drink some right now, but I already brushed my teeth with tropical flavored toothpaste... and I'm lazy. I'll just go to sleep instead. Tomorrow's a new day, and I gotta take this one day at a time.

Insanity

Call me crazy, call me unstable, call me strange; I'm going on the Master Cleanse.

I probably won't be able to make it 10 days without eating... but I'm going to give it a shot. I know all 8 people who read my blog are just dying to see how the Human Garbage Disposal will handle a diet consisting of 100% lemonade. I predict it is going to be rough.

Right now I feel ready to carpe the ol' diem. We'll see how I feel tomorrow night.

Bumper Stickers

I like to read bumper stickers, but I'm not a bumper sticker user. Firstly, I don't want to mar my car. Secondly, I don't think I could come up with a statement, phrase, or picture that could adequately sum up what I wanted to say to other drivers on the roads of life. Lastly, bumper stickers let people stereotype you in two seconds flat, and I hate being pushed into categories so quickly. However, I wouldn't mind going into bumper sticker production. My friend Charlene made a killing on E-bay selling bumper stickers that simply said "M X S." (This stands for Mulder times Scully, for those of us out of the X-Files loop.) Here are two variations of old favorites:

"Free Tibet" becomes:
"Force China to Free Tibet"
"Give Peace a Chance" becomes:
"Make Terrorists Give Peace a Chance"

I wonder if "Free Tibet" stickers are made in China?

'08 Movie Report

Let's be real here: I had a day off today, and it should have been awesome, but it wasn't that great. I'm not saying it was terrible, but it just wasn't that great. Since my throat hurts and my leg muscle is killing me, I'm going to sit in bed with a cup of hot coco and write a little Netflix review for last year. Apparently we saw a lot of movies. Because this list is long, most movies will get three words or less, unless they are worth more. Here goes:

Bend it Like Beckham: Odd, two stars.
Surf's Up: Fun, surprisingly enjoyable.
Seinfeld: Great funny classics.
Corpse Bride: Worse than Nightmare.
Dr. Strangelove: Too strange.
Planet Earth: Amazing; impressive.
Jane Austin Book Club: Good acting, plot...?
Bourne Ultimatum: Part of our favorite action movie trilogy.
Rescue Dawn: I was afraid to see this because it was a war movie, but I loved it. The dedication the actors had was amazing, and it wasn't very violent. It is an amazing true story, and I highly recommend it.
Everything is Illuminated: Intriguing and unlike anything I've seen before. I liked it, and I recommend it.
The Notebook: Worst. Movie. Ever.
2001: A Space Odyssey: Impressive space special effects, but I didn't get the point.
Shrek the Third: Fine.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: LOVE this one.
August Rush: I happened to love this.
Chicken Little: Fine.
Dan in Real Life: Fine.
Newsies: Great music/choreography! Also, I loved seeing Christian Bale sing and dance. The same cannot be said for Bill Pullman.
Amazing Grace: Inspiring. Loved it.
Bee Movie: All funny lines were in the preview. Never-ending B movie.
Roving Mars: Did I even see this?
Juno: Very well done, good theme (well, better than abortion) but kinda disturbing. We liked it, but almost wished we hadn't seen it. Good music, though.
Coach Carter: Remember the Titans?
The Lake House: Very lame.
Nacho Libre: Funnier in the theater, but still good.
Blades of Glory: Silly.
National Treasure: Book of Secrets: Fun, not as good as the first.
The Nanny Diaries: This was one of the surprise hits to me. I loved this movie. It said something that people need to hear, and it was very well done.
The Great Debaters: Inspiring, well done.
Brian Regan: Standing Up: Funny.
Seven Years in Tibet: Really good. Recommended.
P.S. I Love You: Main girl bugged me. Sad story.
The Italian Job (original): Long and impossible car chases.
Luther: FABULOUS.
The Fountain: So freakin' strange.
Oklahoma! (stage version with Hugh Jackman): It is funny to see the English talk in a cowboy accent. Hugh Jackman can sing! He was amazing.
Marie Antoinette: We liked this because it was different. I could have done without the scantily clad scenes, but the costumes were AMAZING and it told an old story from a fresh perspective.
The Italian Job (newer): Still good.
Project Runway (season 1): Addictive.
Chain Reaction: Laughable. Lame.
Good Night and Good Luck: Different, we enjoyed it.
Reds: Interesting and Informative.
Jumper: Lame story/acting, cool effects.
Fun with Dick and Jane (older): Weird.
The Crucible: Daniel Day-Lewis (actor) and Arthur Miller (playwright) are both amazing.
Next: I've thought about this movie a lot, so it must have been good.
Bullitt: Good old school.
Dick Tracy: Good music, kinda fun.
We Are Marshall: Touching.
No Reservations (newer): Typical romantic comedy.
The Sentinel: Hardly remember it.
Whale Rider: This movie is worth the watch just for this awesome scene where the lead actress, a little girl, does an AMAZING job acting. She is crying on a stage, and it is just so real and heart wrenching. I also liked this movie because it's not your typical Hollywood fare.
Mythbusters, collection 3 disc 1: We didn't finish.
Hitch: Fine.
Edward Scissorhands: I like Tim Burton.
30 Rock, season 1: Great show.
American Graffiti: Fun classic. I was thinking of my Dad almost the whole movie.
I am David: Inspiring. Recommended.
Broadway: The Golden Age: Fine.
Shattered Glass: Sad real story. Lead can't act.
Grand Theft Auto: Ron Howard... non-classic.
Project Runway: season 2: Guilty pleasure, clothes!
Shine: Sad.
13 Going on 30: Fun fluff. Whatever.
Pay it Forward: Depressing.
Get Smart: Surprisingly good.
Be Kind, Rewind: "Feel good." Approved.
WALL-E: Inventive, disturbing, enjoyable.
The Spiderwick Chronicles: Predictable. Bad script.
Ocean's Thirteen: Favorite "Ocean's"... guilty pleasure.
Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed: Interesting; thought provoking.
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Fun! Harrison's good.
Clear and Present Danger: Entertaining. Harrison's good.
Kung-Fu Panda: Surprisingly wonderful.
The Simpsons Movie: Not worth it.
Mean Girls: Very 30 Rock. Surprisingly good.
The Pirates of Penzance (1980 stage show): Kevin Kline rocks!

There you have it... about 300 hours of my life.

Easily Amused

Ok, this is silly, but I drive by this Lutheran church a lot and they have this big sign out front that says "Join Us!" The thing is, the letters are this graduated ombre-type coloring that graduate (bottom to top) from white to medium blue. The bottom of the "J" is just hinted at, and it is white, and the background is white, so the sign looks like it says "loin Us!"

For some reason I crack up every time I see it.

Attached

Asher has a comfort object. It has been practically glued to his hand since the day after Christmas when he finally got around to unwrapping it. I never would have guessed that he would love this gift as much as he does; it was a two dollar afterthought at the toy store. He puts up a fuss if we try to take it away for activities like eating, sleeping, bathing, or climbing things. He is now figuring out how to drink from his sippy with one hand, because the other hand must be holding his little silver convertible. There are times when we can't find the correct car, and when these soul-trying times arrive, he is usually happy with anything small and four-wheeled. But the silver convertible is his favorite.

In other news: my little independent man, who up until a week ago hasn't much cared if I were around, has started to grow attached to me. He used to prefer his Grandma Mills to his Mommy any day of the week, but today for the first time he snuggled into me when I tried to hand him off. The resulting feelings were confusing, because I want him to keep his easy attitude, I want him to be good and not fussy, and I want him to always love to see his Grandma. On the other hand I have only dreamed of moments like this because he has never been a snuggler or a hugger and those are two of my favorite activities. I always wished that he would want to snuggle with me more, and today I got my wish for two whole minutes. Then my mom took him to her house for about 6 hours while I finished casting The Pirates of Penzance. Oh how I love my mom for helping me out, and oh I missed my little boy. I don't ever want to be apart from him that long again. Well, at least until he grows a foot or two and stops sleeping with toy cars in his hands.

Older, Wiser & Co.

Today during Asher's nap I came across a small stash of school papers that I had written over the years. After looking a few of them over I suddenly came to this terrifying conclusion: I am getting stupider.

One of the papers that I read was a response to J.D. Salinger's "For Esme- With Love & Squalor". I wrote this response in High School, and not only was it very well written, I had amazing insight! The funny thing is that I just read this story a few months ago and it was like I was reading it for the first time. I didn't remember any of the amazing conclusions I had come to before... I actually had to look up the definition of "squalor" because I wasn't precisely sure what it meant. High School Me was way better at understanding the subtleties of Salinger's short story; I was learning brilliant things from my 16-year-old self. There are two unsettling things about this: first of all I am totally and obviously losing my memory/mind, and secondly I have cold, hard evidence with which I am able to verify the decline of my brain and talent. (The papers I had written in college were terrible!)

A few months ago I read a scary story that I had written for an assignment in Junior High. It was amazing! It couldn't have taken me longer than a few hours to compose. Now, I spend an hour writing and I've got a few mediocre paragraphs. I thought I was supposed to be increasing in wisdom as I aged... at least that is what the birthday songs promise. What gives?!?

Wiki-what?

Ok, I just did one of those never-ending wikipedia chases where you start by looking up something you are interested in and end up, through clicking a series of "related" links, stranded on some crazy page with a bunch of information you never wanted to know. How did I get from J.D. Salinger's writings to this?

Apparently in Japan they have turned Sailor Moon anime cartoons into a series of musicals.

An Elegant Affair

Last night Dan and I celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary by cheating. We got dressed up in formal attire, borrowed the car in which Dan proposed to me, and headed to the Montecito Country Club where a big party was waiting for us. And here is how we cheated: the party was to celebrate a wedding, but it wasn't ours. How lucky are we that Douglas Quezada married Lauren Hodson on January 2nd?

We ate a delicious and elegant dinner in a dimly lit buffet hall decorated with roses, candles, twinkle lights and silver. Our napkins were satin. We got to talk with many of our friends, some of whom we haven't seen in a while. We danced, we laughed, we ate cake, we listened to beautiful music and watched touching performances. We even got to take 4 little silver vases of white roses home at the end of the night. We made out like bandits, because all of this was FREE, down to the vintage dress I was wearing. Well, I suppose I did buy the bride and groom a rockin'-awesome cake platter.

The seventh anniversary is apparently a big deal in England. They call it the "Copper Anniversary" and traditionally you are supposed to give each other something copper. I couldn't think of anything copper that Dan would want, so I didn't get him anything. I don't feel bad about it because he doesn't feel bad about it, and we just had Christmas and his birthday... so maybe I'll give him something really amazing next year.

Other things associated with the seventh year are wool, freesia flowers, and desk sets. I guess Dan didn't get the memo on that because he got me something way cooler: a fun and beautiful silver necklace from Tiffany's. I suppose this negates all the money we saved on our free evening.

The "seven year itch?" What seven year itch? I'm not itchy at all. In fact, I've never felt better.

Predictions for a New Year

So far this year feels pretty much like last year, but I guess it has only been a day. However, there were a lot of little things that happened today that I could interpret as good omens. Lets start with the best little thing ever: Dan let me sleep in until 10:00am. I felt like a new woman when I finally woke up.

Prediction: I will have more energy and be more efficient in 2009.

As soon as I woke up, I had a chapter for one of the books I'm working on in my mind. I started writing, and although I was interrupted in 20 minutes, I was able to go back to it later and write some more.

Prediction: I will be creative and act on my creativity this year. This will lead to final products popping out left and right. (Books, paintings, dresses, music, etc.)

Dan and I played some round-robin tennis with my sister Lori and her husband Billy and our friends John and Karen. I hadn't played in at least 3 years, and I never learned any technique or anything. I thought I was going to be embarrassingly terrible, but I surprised myself. I mean I wasn't Venus Williams or anything, but I didn't hit anyone, and I returned about 85% of the balls that came my way. My serve wasn't great, but the ball made it into the correct boundaries most of the time. I've always had pretty good reflexes, and I think this saves me whenever I play any sport with the exception of golf. I have no reflexes for golf.

Prediction: I will not play golf in 2009. But I will exercise more.

Asher gave me a lot of hugs today. He is happy and carefree and getting more communicative. He tells me when he wants more of something (finally!) and he knows lots of words. When I was playing Wii bowling he was copying my every move. He is a cute sweet little man, although he can get frustrated if I refuse to give him what he wants.

Prediction: Asher will grow up this year. Our relationship will get stronger and we will understand each other better.

My sister Tracy made us some delicious and nutritious dinner tonight. It was sooo tasty that Dan was practically licking the pan.

Prediction: We will eat food that is yummy and good for us. It may or may not come from my efforts.

Well, that is all for now. I hope my psychic forces are working correctly tonight. I don't want to make resolutions, but I don't mind WILLING a few things to happen.