Lately

I've been feeling uninspired. Usually I have so many projects and potential creations going on in my brain that I get frustrated about how many hours are in the day. (Never enough!) I have stories I want to write, dresses I want to design, music I want to record and create, paintings I want to make, plays, screenplays, choreography... on and on and on.

Right now I don't want to do anything. I'm a little scared by that. I hope it is just the calm before the storm of some crazy genius, but what if I just ran out of steam and ideas and passion? Dieter Uchtdorf recently gave a talk in which he pinpointed two God-like attributes that we as mortals (especially women) have: Compassion and the desire to create. This talk really hit the nail on the head for me. I was so happy to hear him speak, not only because I love him but because I understood myself a little better after listening to his wise words. I have such a deep respect for that man.

I'm trying to think of the reasons why each of the interests that normally inspire me are no longer exciting. Maybe I'm going through a very lazy stage. Maybe this whole post-prop 8 atmosphere in California is sapping the soul out of me. (I strongly dislike politics and hypocritical "tolerant" people.) Maybe I'm feeling discouraged because other people don't see things the way I do and they don't see the beauty or value in my work or the potential finished product. Maybe it is a little bit of all of that.

One of my big problems is that I don't usually finish things unless I have a deadline. I try to give myself deadlines, but usually something else takes priority on my list. Maybe I'm getting sick of the fact that I "almost finish" everything I do. For instance: I wrote a stage script for Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. I finished writing it, then I directed and produced it. I choreographed the dances and I even designed and made some costumes for it. This was all in like 3 months. It turned out really well. I had a lot of people (some of them professional Emmy-winning writers) tell me that I could make a lot of money selling this script. I even have a very dear friend (with lots of experience) who offered to help me market the play to companies like Samuel French. The script is done, but I want to make sure it is perfect... maybe write a little bit of music to fill in some gaps here and there. There is so little to do, but it has been almost 2 years and I still haven't done it!! (In my defense I am waiting for the guy who taped the show to give me a copy of the tape so I can see what worked with an audience and what didn't. But still...)

Hopefully I'll get creative again. I hope it will be blog-worthy when (and if) I do.