Weighing in

I gained 60 pounds when I was pregnant with Asher. I was stressed out, working, on my feet all day, etc.... but let's be real here, 60 pounds is A LOT. I was happy with my body before I was pregnant, and I worked to keep myself in shape.

Everyone kept telling me "Oh just wait until the baby comes. You will lose a ton of weight just from giving birth. It is SO wonderful!" I had Asher, and three days later I weighed myself. I had lost six pounds. SIX. This was disheartening, because Asher weighed just under nine pounds. (How is this possible? Don't ask me, I'll start crying.)

After my boy was in my arms people said "Oh, just nurse and the pounds will simply drop off your body. You can eat whatever you want. It is fabulous!!" Even on a diet, my weight was pretty dang stubborn. It did not want to come off. It took me a year to drop 40 pounds. And I was trying. (Jogging, dieting, etc.) Some things worked to an extent, but it was an agony I had never known before.

When my son switched over to 100% cows milk I knew better than to trust those people that told me "As soon as you stop nursing, everything will get back to normal. You will lose weight just by stopping, because you have at least 5 pounds of milk. It will be wonderful!" But I still hoped. My son has been weened for about two months now. I've been running and eating pretty well. Guess what? Nothing. Not one pound of difference.

So now it is my third day of Weight Watchers, because that has worked for me in the past. I know it will take a while, but I am confident that if I cut calories for long enough my body has to give up a few pounds. I'm hungry a lot, but I don't care. I've dieted before. I know I can get down to the weight that I want.

It is not about looking like a supermodel, or even getting back to exactly what I looked like before. It would be nice to fit into some of my old clothes of course, so that I can stop wearing the same 5 things each week, but that is not really the reason I care either. The main reason I want to lose weight is so that it feels good to be in my body again. I don't feel terrible now, but I know I would have more energy, I would be more able to be active, I would be more flexible, and I would feel an overall increase in health and possibilities within myself. It also feels great to accomplish a goal.

I'm dedicated right now. I hope to remain so for the next few months at the very least. I'm excited to reach my goal, and I am certainly not on a pity party right now. I feel empathy for those who cannot lose weight easily. (I never believed them before because it was so easy for me to maintain my weight and size with diet and exercise.) I want to get in the best shape of my life, you know, before I screw it all up and get pregnant again.

I'm scared of having another kid. It is not the fear of something going wrong, the pain of the delivery, the misery of the recovery, or the anxiety over bringing another child into this world. That is all nothing. I just hope I don't gain another 60 pounds.

I hope that doesn't sound too sick.