Mr. Sandman....

Asher can't sleep.

I guess that is the problem with having too big of an imagination, he just can't turn it off. And at night his thoughts take on a sinister twist. He is convinced that his closet is dangerous when it is dark outside. He demands that it be closed tight every night, and if there is even a little crack open, he will not rest. He breaks down in tears telling me about how one time Boba Fett really did come out of his closet and I have to believe him he really ruhziques (exists) and he had a gun and everything, Mom. It doesn't help to tell him that didn't happen or it is impossible or it is all in his head. I just have to say, "Well what happened after that? Did he shoot you? Or did he just go away?" And Asher has to admit that no harm came to him but he is still so scared. One night, I didn't ever even close my eyes at all, Mom.

Last night he came into our bed and our room and woke us up at least ten times. Which might be more times or less than the night before, I have lost track. We all had a rough night, and when he should have been getting dressed he climbed into our open suitcase and shut himself in. I had to spend a lot of time this morning telling him that we really did love him even if we told him to leave our room a hundred times in the night. I had to explain how we CAN'T SLEEP when he is in our bed and how when we are tired we can't do things correctly and we can't focus and we get grouchy and mean. But always I must remind him how much we both love him, (even Dad?) even Dad, even when we tell him to sleep in his own bed or on the floor in our room, it isn't that we don't love him it is that we really NEED TO SLEEP.

I don't know how to fix this situation. A lock on his closet door? We already moved Gwen into his room, and that hasn't helped. We gave him blankets by our bed, but that doesn't seem to be solving anything either. We always say prayers when he is scared, we tell him that our house is so safe and that he has so many guardian angels watching over him and that he has never been hurt and that he won't be hurt now. He is still scared.

And we can't sleep.

(PS Since the last entry we went to the Stewart's Christmas party which was fun. I got some Isagenix products during the white elephant gift exchange. It was a miracle. I willed it to happen, and it happened. But somehow I can't do that with Asher's sleeping habits.

I also went to East Valley Mormon Choral Organization concert at the Mesa Arts Center. One of my friends had an extra ticket, and I am so glad that she offered it to me! The song arrangements were amazing, the orchestra was amazing, and the 1,000 participants in the different choirs were also amazing. Many people asked if I wanted to join afterward, and I think I almost do want to sing with them. Almost. I for sure want Asher to sing with the little kids. They were fantastic and hilarious. And somehow I missed the memo that a few of my relatives were in the choir, so that was a fun surprise to see them performing up there.

I was in the Stake Christmas choir this year. I also directed the Young Women choir. They sang The First Noel and sounded like angels with violin accompaniment. It was an amazing concert with an orchestra and everything. Not as amazing as EVMCO, or Disneyland, but still pretty darn great.)